Living Stones

I got this story from watching The Great Bible Adventure.


There was once a stone that was placed by a builder that is so white and so smooth. He said to himself, "I'm the best that he has." As the builder continued placing other stones beside him, the other stones beside him were very jealous of him because of his smoothness.

As soon as the base layer was done, the builder started putting another layer of stones on top of them. When the builder placed a stone which has a huge dent on top of the smooth stone, this stone said to the builder, "What are you thinking? Can't you see that you're putting this old, dented and dirty stone on top of me? Can't you see that this does not fit? Are you blind? It took me many years for me to achieve this."

Then the builder said in reply, "You know, you're right!" and he took that stone and placed it beside him. When he saw that, he said to the rest, "Now I don't want to see what will happen to that!"

Without him knowing, the builder took out his chiesel and carved that perfect stone on top. The stone shouted in pain, "What are you doing? You're hurting me so much!"

The builder said to him in reply, "I'm making room for him to fit into you." Then, he took the stone and it was a perfect fit to him.

What kind of stones are we?

Loving Others Well - a Sharing with Men Pursuing Purity

MEN PURSUING PURITY – Loving Well
By Rolando C. delos Reyes II


Growing up, I thought love means that "kilig" feeling you have when you see someone – I equated love to attraction. However, as a young boy I was disturbed because I have "kilig" feelings not towards girls but towards boys and men. I tried to stop these feelings by burying myself in studies and prayer, but it won't go away. Then through suggestive romantic stories I got the idea that when people are in love, they do stuff with one another's bodies – I then equated love to sex. At 14 years old I had my first homosexual experience with my schoolmate who happens to be my neighbour. My father caught us one time during the act, and even though I was trembling with fear, deep inside many questions were left unanswered – "Why am I doing this?", "Am I gay?", "Is this love?".

I hid myself in my innermost shell, turned to religion, and decided to enter the seminary after high school. With high spirits, I thought I had finally escaped that dark part of my childhood. After a year, we had a subject on counselling – little did I know my Pandora's box will be opened – my dark spirit came back with a vengeance. My hunger for love, which I equated with sex, grew out of proportions, and two of my fellow seminarians became victims of that hunger. I was advised to leave the seminary – my dream of becoming a priest was shattered, and I felt my life in shambles. I came home shattered – I equated love as evil. I pronounced an inner vow that I must be careful about loving someone.

I came to UP Diliman and was shocked by the liberal thinking that pervade the learning halls. With a spirit of rebellion, I embraced this new way of thinking and began exploring the homosexual lifestyle. After graduation, I came to teach in a school were most of the teachers are practicing homosexuals. They introduced me to the gay world – going to movie houses, gay clubs, bath houses – and began involving myself in indiscreet casual anonymous sexual encounters with other men. I was like a vampire looking for men to devour to satisfy my insatiable hunger, from my waking hours to my wildest dreams. My friends taught me not to get seriously involved because men will just hurt us. I then equated love to a game, a game of seduction and control. And I did exactly that. However, each night I return from my escapades feeling empty within. One night I ask one of my friends the most profound question: "Ganito na lang ba tayo?". My friend responded "Masaya naman di ba?". But I know I wasn't happy.

To balance my sinful life, I also joined a choir at our parish. Every Sunday, I served in the choir to pay back the week of sinful acts. I know it wasn't good enough, but I felt better. A choir member invited us to a Christian Life Program of Singles for Christ. I relented thinking this might earn me more good points before God. I finished the program and began attending some activities. Our care group of men showed me kindness, but I did not receive it. I thought to myself – I do not deserve this kind of love. I left SFC and isolated myself once more. I came back to my sinful ways.

In 2001, after working 3 years in a corporation, an officemate told me they are opening SFC in the office, and they wanted to invite me to be part of it. Full of pride, I asked to have a talk with the chapter head, and I told him that I was gay and he needs to accept me as such. He just smiled, shook my hands and embraced me. I didn't know how to react, but I said to myself "Lets give this another try". I attended the meetings and quickly became friends with most of the people. At this time, I also got acquainted with the support group Courage, who helps persons with homosexual attractions. For the first time, I felt I was not alone in this struggle with sin.

In SFC I met two heterosexual men who asked me to be part of their accountability circle. At first I hesitated – how can I relate with you, and how can you relate with me, we live two different lives? But eventually I yielded. As we shared one another's struggles and problems, we found out we were no different from each other. Benj and Biboy became my best friends. However, in time they got married, and though in my mind I know that's ok, in my heart I felt I lost a big part of myself. I held an agreement – love will eventually leave you alone. At the same time I had a Courage brother who has resentments towards me and spreads ill accusations against me. I held another agreement – love will eventually betray you.

That's when I met Living Waters. It is here that I learned that our need for love is so much greater than our capacity to love. I surrendered to be the victim of the Father's unfailing love, and it was then that I began to gain knowledge of my true self in God's eyes – that I was Forgiven, that I am God's son whom He is well pleased, that I am not just a man but God's knight whom He calls to serve in front of His army. In every program I let God take full control and He flooded me with torrents of love – and I discovered that it is only when I am full of God's love that I can truly love others well.

I am incapable of love outside of God's love. Without God, I can easily treat others with envious lust or rash judgment. Without God, I tend to isolate myself and go back to my false self. As God fills me with His love, I am able to love another out of the abundance of the love He gives me. God's love enables me to be secure in my identity as His son. As I am secured in His love, no unlovable act of others affects me. Sin becomes meaningless in the face of perfect love. As I continue to recognize God's presence in me, a positive sobriety begins. And I begin to understand the meaning of Jesus' command "Love one another as I have loved you" – we are able to love another only in the degree that we experience God's unfailing love and mercy towards us. As we grow in our love relationship with Jesus, we slowly become united with him, and it is then that we become another Jesus to others.

The Three Visions

I would like to share with you my experience and the message which God has given to me before and during the Metro Manila Conference in Tagaytay.

I was reading the book The Confessions of St. Augustine on my way to work. I was so amazed as how St. Augustine writes his confessions, not as a bishop but as a person -- an ordinary human being like you and me -- with extra-ordinary longing and desire to love God in every way. And as I read it, I said to myself, "Wow! How can such a man write about God, telling Him about everything, with complete reverence and honor!" And at that point, I saw a vision which made me shed a tear.

I saw myself facing Jesus on top of a hill. We were talking like friends do. From what I saw, He was of the same height as I am. And as we were discussing, I saw Him grew bigger and bigger until he was like the Christ the Redeemer statue in Brazil.

I don't have any words to say at that time. I was so tiny. I was worthless.

I just cried.

The second vision came to me after the workshop Silent Love. Bro. Ton asks us to close our eyes and imagine the Lord. As I closed my eyes and imagined Him, I asked, "Where are you Lord?" And then, I saw Him waving from afar as if very excited to look for Him. And He said, "I'm here, Ryan. I'm here."

Then, tears came down my cheeks.

The third vision came to me during the second talk entitled Heartwired. It was at the latter part that this happened. We were in a prayer session in preparation for confession. As I was praying, I saw my heart opened like a garbage bag. There I saw the filth, grime and dirt, and I hated the smell of it. Then I saw a hand which is about to put inside. And a voice came to me and said, "Can I clean it up?"

I don't know what to say.

I was ashamed of my dirty heart that I don't want Him to clean it.

I was full of pride and all.

And as I reflected everything that God had revealed to me, He wants to say these words to me.

I love you. I AM the Lord of the earth and the Lord of your heart. I am the Lord of everything.

I love you forever and will continue to love you until the end.

Just come back to me.

Amen.

Are You Loyal To Him?

Since my birthday this year falls on Palm Sunday, I thought of sharing to you one of my reflections way back 2007 regarding Palm Sunday. I'll add a little of mine here.

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Last Palm Sunday of 2006, my entire family attended mass.  Actually, this is not the first time that I attended, but I would say that this is the first time that my family went with me to celebrate mass.

When we arrived, the commentator told us that those who have palms must proceed to the front door of the chapel.  Since I was the only one in my family carrying a palm, I joined in the group.  

So I stood there with them, raising my palms and shaking it (but I didn't shake it that much because the noise irritates me).  Then, the priest read the Gospel about the entry of Jesus to Jerusalem.  As he did that, I visualized what happened on the first Palm Sunday, especially through this verse:

As he rode along, the people were spreading their cloaks on the road; and now as he was approaching the slope of the Mount of Olives, the whole multitude of his disciples began to praise God aloud with joy for all the mighty deeds they had seen. They proclaimed: "Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord.  Peace in heaven and glory in the highest."  (Luke 19: 36-38).

I said to myself that this was the same thing that happened! But that visualization changed when I saw myself not carrying a palm, but a whip.  I also saw that the same people that welcomed and praised Jesus as he entered in Jerusalem were the same people who shouted "Crucify Him!"  They were the same people who laid their cloaks and shouting praises to Him before were the same people who threw stones and mocked Him. 

I asked myself which group I was? It was at that point that I wept because I saw myself in the second group.

You see, we are like them.  When everything that we asked from God is given to us, we praise Him.  But when that does not happen, we persecute Him, at most curse Him.

We are like the same people who, when Christ entered into our lives, are joyful, energetic and happy.  But when trials come our way and we feel that He is not with us, we throw Him away or refuse to recognize His presence.

This is where our loyalty to Him enters.  You see, He did not make this world a better place because if He did, then there is no use coming here.  There is no use of tears or tissues, or even sad love songs.  Because everything is perfect!

In every trial or problem that we encounter, He is there with us.  We feel His undying presence.  He tests us to see whether we are with Him and keeping His promise or not. The sad part of this is we ask this question when trials come our way: Does God even care for us?

Or, do we stand up to what is right rather than allowing to be led by what is morally wrong. As we look around, many laws are passed which are not in accordance to His teachings like using embryonic stem cells or same-sex marriages. Do we stand up with the Holy Catholic Church in rejecting these actions? Or do we allow ourselves to be led by what the world dictates just as what Pilate did?

Will you be loyal to Him until the end?

Renewable Marriage Contract?!?! Hell NO!!!!!

Sorry for being harsh, but this is how I feel and what I believe in.

I was on my way home when I heard over the radio that there is something as a "Renewable Marriage Contract". I became curious that when I arrived home, i started searching for it until I found it in this link: http://donavictorina.blogspot.com/2010/01/marriage-not-forever.html

I became furious at this because it just shows what society we have now. Moreover, they have forgotten the true essence of marriage, especially for Catholics.

It is our faith and believe that marriage is indissoluble, that is No Human Being has the right to break the bond made and blessed by God alone. It all roots out to the logic that as the love of God to each one of us is unbreakable, our love for husband/wife should also be unbreakable. This is His covenant to us and we, His Children, should do the same to them. No wonder that there are three rings seen in the Couples for Christ logo as it tells us of the marriage between our husband/wife and our marriage with God.

If given the chance, I would like to ask this question to them: Would this solve the marriage problems everywhere, especially in the Philippines? My answer: NO for the main reason that this is a form of escape rather than a solution. Life dictates that whenever we escape on a situation, even how small it is, will haunt us for life unless we face it head on and seek help if needed.

I would somehow like to conclude that truly, the devil has wandered here on earth and is trying his best to take us all out of the love of God. Let us continue to defend the faith which we believe in and stand up for God and His teachings.

The Parable of the Eldest Son

I would like to share with you a story which I heard from my retreat master written by a Jesuit priest. If you are familiar with the Parable of the Prodigal Son, this story is a midrash of that. The title is The Parable of the Eldest Son.

Once there was a man who have 2 sons. The youngest son went to his father and said, "Dad, can you give me my share of your inheritance? We're old enough to handle our expenses." So the father gave to each son his inheritance. The next day, the youngest son left and squandered everything until he was left with nothing.

Years had passed and his father became worried with him. He came to the point of depression that the oldest son would see him looking out of the window with a bottle of wine in his hand. Being concerned for him, he went up to him and said, "Dad, I would like to find my brother."

"What are you thinking?!?! Can't you see how dangerous it is in the city? No one knows what will happen to you there," his father replied.

"I know, but I am concerned for him as well and I love him very much. I will go and look for him tomorrow, and you will know where I am. I will bring candles in my search and I will light a candle on which place I stopped to look for him. In that way, he will know his way back if ever he sees it." After much discussion, the father gave him permission.

Since he left, he did what he said to his father. He would light a candle to every place he stopped. In the city corner, in the field, in the drainage -- he never forgot his promise to light a candle. Day after day, he never lost hope that one day, he will find his brother.

One night, a group of gangsters saw him and robbed him of everything. Thinking that his brother might be there, he followed them until he was stabbed many times until he died.

His father became very worried because neither of his sons came home. His depression grew more that he lost all hope that one of his sons would come home.

Until he heard a knock at the door.

He opened the door and to his surprise, it was the youngest son who stood there like a beggar in the street.

"Dad," said the youngest son, scared of looking at him, "I'm sorry. I..." His dad gave him a tight hug and kissed him dearly. He shouted to his servants, "You! Get my son the finest robe and dress him well. Give him a very good bath. Kill the fattest calf because tonight we will celebrate his return!!!"

As they were hugging, the youngest son asked him, "Where is my brother?"

At that point, the father realized that his oldest son is out there looking for him. As they went to the window just as the night sky had set, they saw that the city was full of lights.

My friends, Jesus Christ, the first born of all, continues to search for you and is eager to bring you home with Him. He continues to light a candle to every corner He comes so that, if ever you see it, it will bring you back to Him.

The Gnostic Gospels: What it taught me and made me realize

Four or five years ago, when Dan Brown published his book The Da Vinci’s Code, it shocked the entire world, including the Catholic Faith. Many Catholics, upon reading the novel were shocked, confused, and even changed their religion because of the arguments presented in his book, including the issue about the divinity of Jesus. According to some experts and to the author, most of his sources came from the Gnostic gospels which were not included in the present-day bible. In addition, some would argue that these issues had long been dead as they were just brought up to confuse people.

I honestly read the book, but I didn’t finish it. Maybe because I wasn’t ready yet to open myself to the understanding or to their arguments regarding that issue, or that I would end up like those people who were in deep trouble after reading the novel. However, these gospels taught me something which I discovered lately.

Earlier, I had a chat with my former household head Dave who will be joining the missions with Couples for Christ in Peru this March 1. He had been a huge influence in my life as his help was my stepping stone toward my healing. During our household meetings, I learned a lot from him, especially how his life gave hope to me as he too was undergoing the same therapy sessions as I am.

As we talked, I told him the many things which I am thankful. I told him that through his sharing of his life to us, including his suffering and weaknesses, I saw how he shared his gospel in a manner that he sees Christ in him. He continually affirms us that He is always there for both thick and thin.

Friends, our lives are living gospels of faith. According to Dave, there are five gospels: the four gospels in the Bible, and our life. As I saw the emergence of these Gnostic gospels, I found out that the authors Mary Magdalene, St. Peter, St. Thomas and the other Gnostics (although they did not write those), wrote about their lives in a way that they saw Christ in their lives.
Now, let us take away the issue of Christ’s divinity in this topic. What I am driving at here is that we should never take away Christ in our lives and in our sharing of our lives. Why? Because it is through Him that our lives have meaning, that there is hope in it, that we are motivated to share more of ourselves.

I realized that this was the reason why it took me weeks, or even months before I could write another blog (well, maybe because I'm using my girlfriend's laptop). The erason behind this is because I'm too concerned that people will not appreciate that things that I write here because of the following reasons: Too religios, too impractical, too boring. Right now, I'm hearing someone saying, "It will be very impossible for me to apply it."

But I never realized that adding Jesus in the recipe would make things practical and easy. No wonder that Bo Sanchez, the author of the books How to Find Your One True Love and Your Past Does Not Define Your Future found it easy to share his life to others and write his story and history with ease.

It was a painful realization, but it was bound to happen for me to realize the things that I know and the things that I needed to change.

Never be ashamed for telling your story, even though you have a dark past. Because God designed it the way it is and with your story, many will see hope in it.