Becoming like Saint Matthias

Then they gave lots to them, and the lot fell upon Matthias, and he was counted with the eleven apostles. (Acts 1: 26)

Do you really know who St. Matthias is? There was no record of him ever during the ministry of Jesus here on earth, nor was there any time that he was mentioned in the four gospels. He was only (and I would like to put emphasis on that) mentioned in the Acts of the Apostles where they were searching among the other followers of Jesus as the replacement for Judas. And that was it.

I would also like to emphasize another thing, and at one point assume one thing.

I believe that St. Matthias was really there with Jesus through thick and thin. Wherever He goes, he goes. He listens to His voice, and does it whole heartily. He never assumed anything and never wanted anything.

All that he wanted was to be with the Lord and follow His ways till the very end.

And when he was given the opportunity to step up and be counted among the apostles, he was humble and continued on what he is doing behind the scenes.

For me, he is a model disciple and follower of Christ.

Honestly, there were times that I was the opposite of St. Matthias.

I assumed positions because I felt that I was much qualified than the rest.

I always wanted to be recognized and be part of the group, to feel that I'm here and there always.

Thus, it came to a point that I was completely humbled when, in my assumption that I would be chosen, I was not and felt completely devastated. Thus, it forced me to say to myself these words (some of you might know and have read them):

I will not serve in the Christian Life Program for one year.

I will just attend my household regularly and the conferences whenever possible.

I will just be part of the service team when needed.

I thought that that will happen, until He surprised me.

Until I was called to be a facilitator again to my surprise (I was just a photographer).

Until our chapter head tapped me and told me that I "may be" chosen to become a household head.

Until God surprised me with many things.

And until then, I was completely humbled from my selfishness and my pride.

Forgive me for everything Lord.

Here I am Lord, I come to do Your will.

Cradle God's Word and Promise in Your Heart

Now there was a man in Jerusalem whose name was Simeon. This man was righteous and devout, awaiting the consolation of Israel, and the holy Spirit was upon him. It had been revealed to him by the holy Spirit that he should not see death before he had seen the Messiah of the Lord.
He came in the Spirit into the temple; and when the parents brought in the child Jesus to perform the custom of the law in regard to him, he took him into his arms and blessed God, saying: "Now, Master, you may let your servant go in peace, according to your word, for my eyes have seen your salvation, which you prepared in sight of all the peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and glory for your people Israel." (Luke 2: 25-32)
Were there times in your life where someone promised you something that you always wanted? How did you react on them?
As a child, I would always hold on tight the promises my parents told me. Any kid would do that too. Even as I grew up, I still hold on to the promises which they give me. I also hold on to the promises which my friends and my loved ones would say to me. I hold them tightly in my heart that I will really look forward to it that one day, I'll receive them.
However, it is not the same as how God would do. Yes, He gave me promises in two related occasions (one is during MMC last year and one was last August 3, 2007). When He revealed it to me, I took hold of them tightly and said to myself, "I'll have this in time. I'll focus everything as if I have it already."
But then I found out that as I was holding it tightly in my hands, I was wounding myself in the process. The promises that God gave me was like a very beautiful yet fragile glass figure that was starting to crack that's why I am getting wounded. I never felt the pain because I was so holding on to it tightly...
That until someone told me that the gift which God gave to me is starting to crack and my hands are all red because of blood. There I felt the pain and the agony of it. I look at my hands and I see the wounds so deep and blood gushing forth. I saw the gift and it is tarnished with blood and cracks. The gift which He gave me was full of blood because of what I did. I just felt sorry for myself for not realizing it.
In His mercy, He went through the heart of that person and told me that I should just carried and hold God's promise lightly in my heart just like a baby in the arms of a father. Then I recalled how Simeon carried the baby Jesus in his arms as he saw the fulfillment of God's promise to mankind.
Since then, I prayed that I may handle it lightly and just let God work on it. I pray that I would follow how Simeon did in carrying the baby Jesus in his heart.

The Fifth Gospel: Our Lives in Christ

This is my first blog. To start with, I would like to share to you my reflections which I wrote down last March 1, 2007.

Enjoy!!
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Two or three years ago, when Dan Brown published his book The Da Vinci’s Code, it shocked the entire world, including the Catholic Faith. Many Catholics, upon reading the novel were shocked, confused, and even changed their religion because of the arguments presented in his book, including the issue about the divinity of Jesus. According to some experts and to the author, most of his sources came from the Gnostic gospels which were not included in the present-day bible. In addition, some would argue that these issues had long been dead as they were just brought up to confuse people.

I honestly read the book, but I didn’t finish it. Maybe because I wasn’t ready yet to open myself to the understanding or to their arguments regarding that issue, or that I would end up like those people who were in deep trouble after reading the novel. However, these gospels taught me something which I discovered lately.

Earlier, I had a chat with my former household head Dave who will be joining the missions with Couples for Christ in Peru this March 1. He had been a huge influence in my life as his help was my stepping stone toward my healing. During our household meetings, I learned a lot from him, especially how his life gave hope to me as he too was undergoing the same therapy sessions as I am.

As we talked, I told him the many things which I am thankful. I told him that through his sharing of his life to us, including his suffering and weaknesses, I saw how he shared his gospel in a manner that he sees Christ in him. He continually affirms us that He is always there for both thick and thin.

Friends, our lives are living gospels of faith. According to Dave, there are five gospels: the four gospels in the Bible, and our life. As I saw the emergence of these Gnostic gospels, I found out that the authors Mary Magdalene, St. Peter, St. Thomas and the other Gnostics (although they did not write those), wrote about their lives in a way that they saw Christ in their lives.

Now, let us take away the issue of Christ’s divinity in this topic. What I am driving at here is that we should never take away Christ in our lives and in our sharing of our lives. Why? Because it is through Him that our lives have meaning, that there is hope in it, that we are motivated to share more of ourselves.

I realized that this was the reason why it took me weeks, or even months before I could write another blog (well, maybe because I'm using my girlfriend's laptop). The erason behind this is because I'm too concerned that people will not appreciate that things that I write here because of the following reasons: Too religios, too impractical, too boring. Right now, I'm hearing someone saying, "It will be very impossible for me to apply it."

But I never realized that adding Jesus in the recipe would make things practical and easy. No wonder that Bo Sanchez, the author of the books and How to Find Your One True Love and Your Past Does Not Define Your Future found it easy to share his life to others and write his story and history with ease.

It was a painful realization, but it was bound to happen for me to realize the things that I know and the things that I needed to change.

Never be ashamed for telling your story, even though you have a dark past. Because God designed it the way it is and with your story, many will see hope in it.