The Three Visions

I would like to share with you my experience and the message which God has given to me before and during the Metro Manila Conference in Tagaytay.

I was reading the book The Confessions of St. Augustine on my way to work. I was so amazed as how St. Augustine writes his confessions, not as a bishop but as a person -- an ordinary human being like you and me -- with extra-ordinary longing and desire to love God in every way. And as I read it, I said to myself, "Wow! How can such a man write about God, telling Him about everything, with complete reverence and honor!" And at that point, I saw a vision which made me shed a tear.

I saw myself facing Jesus on top of a hill. We were talking like friends do. From what I saw, He was of the same height as I am. And as we were discussing, I saw Him grew bigger and bigger until he was like the Christ the Redeemer statue in Brazil.

I don't have any words to say at that time. I was so tiny. I was worthless.

I just cried.

The second vision came to me after the workshop Silent Love. Bro. Ton asks us to close our eyes and imagine the Lord. As I closed my eyes and imagined Him, I asked, "Where are you Lord?" And then, I saw Him waving from afar as if very excited to look for Him. And He said, "I'm here, Ryan. I'm here."

Then, tears came down my cheeks.

The third vision came to me during the second talk entitled Heartwired. It was at the latter part that this happened. We were in a prayer session in preparation for confession. As I was praying, I saw my heart opened like a garbage bag. There I saw the filth, grime and dirt, and I hated the smell of it. Then I saw a hand which is about to put inside. And a voice came to me and said, "Can I clean it up?"

I don't know what to say.

I was ashamed of my dirty heart that I don't want Him to clean it.

I was full of pride and all.

And as I reflected everything that God had revealed to me, He wants to say these words to me.

I love you. I AM the Lord of the earth and the Lord of your heart. I am the Lord of everything.

I love you forever and will continue to love you until the end.

Just come back to me.

Amen.

Are You Loyal To Him?

Since my birthday this year falls on Palm Sunday, I thought of sharing to you one of my reflections way back 2007 regarding Palm Sunday. I'll add a little of mine here.

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Last Palm Sunday of 2006, my entire family attended mass.  Actually, this is not the first time that I attended, but I would say that this is the first time that my family went with me to celebrate mass.

When we arrived, the commentator told us that those who have palms must proceed to the front door of the chapel.  Since I was the only one in my family carrying a palm, I joined in the group.  

So I stood there with them, raising my palms and shaking it (but I didn't shake it that much because the noise irritates me).  Then, the priest read the Gospel about the entry of Jesus to Jerusalem.  As he did that, I visualized what happened on the first Palm Sunday, especially through this verse:

As he rode along, the people were spreading their cloaks on the road; and now as he was approaching the slope of the Mount of Olives, the whole multitude of his disciples began to praise God aloud with joy for all the mighty deeds they had seen. They proclaimed: "Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord.  Peace in heaven and glory in the highest."  (Luke 19: 36-38).

I said to myself that this was the same thing that happened! But that visualization changed when I saw myself not carrying a palm, but a whip.  I also saw that the same people that welcomed and praised Jesus as he entered in Jerusalem were the same people who shouted "Crucify Him!"  They were the same people who laid their cloaks and shouting praises to Him before were the same people who threw stones and mocked Him. 

I asked myself which group I was? It was at that point that I wept because I saw myself in the second group.

You see, we are like them.  When everything that we asked from God is given to us, we praise Him.  But when that does not happen, we persecute Him, at most curse Him.

We are like the same people who, when Christ entered into our lives, are joyful, energetic and happy.  But when trials come our way and we feel that He is not with us, we throw Him away or refuse to recognize His presence.

This is where our loyalty to Him enters.  You see, He did not make this world a better place because if He did, then there is no use coming here.  There is no use of tears or tissues, or even sad love songs.  Because everything is perfect!

In every trial or problem that we encounter, He is there with us.  We feel His undying presence.  He tests us to see whether we are with Him and keeping His promise or not. The sad part of this is we ask this question when trials come our way: Does God even care for us?

Or, do we stand up to what is right rather than allowing to be led by what is morally wrong. As we look around, many laws are passed which are not in accordance to His teachings like using embryonic stem cells or same-sex marriages. Do we stand up with the Holy Catholic Church in rejecting these actions? Or do we allow ourselves to be led by what the world dictates just as what Pilate did?

Will you be loyal to Him until the end?

Renewable Marriage Contract?!?! Hell NO!!!!!

Sorry for being harsh, but this is how I feel and what I believe in.

I was on my way home when I heard over the radio that there is something as a "Renewable Marriage Contract". I became curious that when I arrived home, i started searching for it until I found it in this link: http://donavictorina.blogspot.com/2010/01/marriage-not-forever.html

I became furious at this because it just shows what society we have now. Moreover, they have forgotten the true essence of marriage, especially for Catholics.

It is our faith and believe that marriage is indissoluble, that is No Human Being has the right to break the bond made and blessed by God alone. It all roots out to the logic that as the love of God to each one of us is unbreakable, our love for husband/wife should also be unbreakable. This is His covenant to us and we, His Children, should do the same to them. No wonder that there are three rings seen in the Couples for Christ logo as it tells us of the marriage between our husband/wife and our marriage with God.

If given the chance, I would like to ask this question to them: Would this solve the marriage problems everywhere, especially in the Philippines? My answer: NO for the main reason that this is a form of escape rather than a solution. Life dictates that whenever we escape on a situation, even how small it is, will haunt us for life unless we face it head on and seek help if needed.

I would somehow like to conclude that truly, the devil has wandered here on earth and is trying his best to take us all out of the love of God. Let us continue to defend the faith which we believe in and stand up for God and His teachings.

The Parable of the Eldest Son

I would like to share with you a story which I heard from my retreat master written by a Jesuit priest. If you are familiar with the Parable of the Prodigal Son, this story is a midrash of that. The title is The Parable of the Eldest Son.

Once there was a man who have 2 sons. The youngest son went to his father and said, "Dad, can you give me my share of your inheritance? We're old enough to handle our expenses." So the father gave to each son his inheritance. The next day, the youngest son left and squandered everything until he was left with nothing.

Years had passed and his father became worried with him. He came to the point of depression that the oldest son would see him looking out of the window with a bottle of wine in his hand. Being concerned for him, he went up to him and said, "Dad, I would like to find my brother."

"What are you thinking?!?! Can't you see how dangerous it is in the city? No one knows what will happen to you there," his father replied.

"I know, but I am concerned for him as well and I love him very much. I will go and look for him tomorrow, and you will know where I am. I will bring candles in my search and I will light a candle on which place I stopped to look for him. In that way, he will know his way back if ever he sees it." After much discussion, the father gave him permission.

Since he left, he did what he said to his father. He would light a candle to every place he stopped. In the city corner, in the field, in the drainage -- he never forgot his promise to light a candle. Day after day, he never lost hope that one day, he will find his brother.

One night, a group of gangsters saw him and robbed him of everything. Thinking that his brother might be there, he followed them until he was stabbed many times until he died.

His father became very worried because neither of his sons came home. His depression grew more that he lost all hope that one of his sons would come home.

Until he heard a knock at the door.

He opened the door and to his surprise, it was the youngest son who stood there like a beggar in the street.

"Dad," said the youngest son, scared of looking at him, "I'm sorry. I..." His dad gave him a tight hug and kissed him dearly. He shouted to his servants, "You! Get my son the finest robe and dress him well. Give him a very good bath. Kill the fattest calf because tonight we will celebrate his return!!!"

As they were hugging, the youngest son asked him, "Where is my brother?"

At that point, the father realized that his oldest son is out there looking for him. As they went to the window just as the night sky had set, they saw that the city was full of lights.

My friends, Jesus Christ, the first born of all, continues to search for you and is eager to bring you home with Him. He continues to light a candle to every corner He comes so that, if ever you see it, it will bring you back to Him.

The Gnostic Gospels: What it taught me and made me realize

Four or five years ago, when Dan Brown published his book The Da Vinci’s Code, it shocked the entire world, including the Catholic Faith. Many Catholics, upon reading the novel were shocked, confused, and even changed their religion because of the arguments presented in his book, including the issue about the divinity of Jesus. According to some experts and to the author, most of his sources came from the Gnostic gospels which were not included in the present-day bible. In addition, some would argue that these issues had long been dead as they were just brought up to confuse people.

I honestly read the book, but I didn’t finish it. Maybe because I wasn’t ready yet to open myself to the understanding or to their arguments regarding that issue, or that I would end up like those people who were in deep trouble after reading the novel. However, these gospels taught me something which I discovered lately.

Earlier, I had a chat with my former household head Dave who will be joining the missions with Couples for Christ in Peru this March 1. He had been a huge influence in my life as his help was my stepping stone toward my healing. During our household meetings, I learned a lot from him, especially how his life gave hope to me as he too was undergoing the same therapy sessions as I am.

As we talked, I told him the many things which I am thankful. I told him that through his sharing of his life to us, including his suffering and weaknesses, I saw how he shared his gospel in a manner that he sees Christ in him. He continually affirms us that He is always there for both thick and thin.

Friends, our lives are living gospels of faith. According to Dave, there are five gospels: the four gospels in the Bible, and our life. As I saw the emergence of these Gnostic gospels, I found out that the authors Mary Magdalene, St. Peter, St. Thomas and the other Gnostics (although they did not write those), wrote about their lives in a way that they saw Christ in their lives.
Now, let us take away the issue of Christ’s divinity in this topic. What I am driving at here is that we should never take away Christ in our lives and in our sharing of our lives. Why? Because it is through Him that our lives have meaning, that there is hope in it, that we are motivated to share more of ourselves.

I realized that this was the reason why it took me weeks, or even months before I could write another blog (well, maybe because I'm using my girlfriend's laptop). The erason behind this is because I'm too concerned that people will not appreciate that things that I write here because of the following reasons: Too religios, too impractical, too boring. Right now, I'm hearing someone saying, "It will be very impossible for me to apply it."

But I never realized that adding Jesus in the recipe would make things practical and easy. No wonder that Bo Sanchez, the author of the books How to Find Your One True Love and Your Past Does Not Define Your Future found it easy to share his life to others and write his story and history with ease.

It was a painful realization, but it was bound to happen for me to realize the things that I know and the things that I needed to change.

Never be ashamed for telling your story, even though you have a dark past. Because God designed it the way it is and with your story, many will see hope in it.

Peter and Judas: A Reflection

Simon Peter said to them, "I am going fishing." They said to him, "We also will come with you." So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.

When it was already dawn, Jesus was standing on the shore; but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. Jesus said to them, "Children, have you caught anything to eat?" They answered him, "No."So he said to them, "Cast the net over the right side of the boat and you will find something." So they cast it, and were not able to pull it in because of the number of fish. So the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord." When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he tucked in his garment, for he was lightly clad, and jumped into the sea. The other disciples came in the boat, for they were not far from shore, only about a hundred yards, dragging the net with the fish.

When they climbed out on shore, they saw a charcoal fire with fish on it and bread. Jesus said to them, "Bring some of the fish you just caught." So Simon Peter went over and dragged the net ashore full of one hundred fifty-three large fish. Even though there were so many, the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, "Come, have breakfast." And none of the disciples dared to ask him, "Who are you?" because they realized it was the Lord.
(John 21: 3-12)

This was the gospel last May 17, and these lines are the ones that struck me, particularly the verse "When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he tucked in his garment, for he was lightly clad, and jumped into the sea." Surely, Peter waited for this day to come after the terrible action he did while Jesus was with them.

But as we all know, it's not only Peter who failed the greatest but also Judas, who betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver.

Given the facts that these two betrayed Him who is the Almighty, what was the thing that separated them?

From what we know, Peter was a fisherman. Therefore, not that learned. I guess he never went to school and just spent his life fishing. And during the course that he was with Jesus, we knew him more as someone who just says things that was on his head and not thinking about it first. Thus most of the time, he would be rebuked by Our Lord. I guess he was also teased and joked around by the other disciples.

On the other hand, Judas, for me, was a very learned person. He knew that through Him, Israel would be saved from the Romans. He knew that He can end their reign and live as free people. Moreover, I believe that he was a business man by nature (or I guess a tax collector) because he knew how much an item costs.

However, they had something in common during the Passion of Jesus: Despair and feeling of unworthy for forgiveness. This was felt by Peter when he denied Jesus three times. When His prophecy was fulfilled, he went away in despair. In the same manner, Judas felt the same way when he betrayed Him for 30 pieces of silver. When he realized the wrong that he did, he returned the money back to the Pharisees.

You may ask this question: Why is it that Peter became a saint and Judas found himself in the mouth of Satan (according to Dante's Inferno)?

Here's my answer: Peter waited for the Lord's promise of resurrection while Judas gave in to his grief.

He allowed himself to be manipulated by Satan using his emotions.

He never focused on the Lord nor did he accepted the Lord's forgiveness and love.

On the other hand, Peter knew that by the time that he will meet the Risen Lord, he will ask for forgiveness. And this he did as mentioned in the Gospel above.

My friends, the Mercy of our Lord is so great that even the most unforgivable sin man can commit to his neighbor can be washed away if we allow to be submerged to His mercy and His love.

He is waiting for you.

Where is God? (from Didache)

As I was reading some of my unread messages, I came across this email. It's just timely because I've met a lot of people who felt that God is not with them or simply just a creation of a mind.

But I tell you, especially those who are reading this: God Exists, and is there in every point in your life.

“… the days will come when you will long to see one of the days of the son of Man, but you will not see it.” – Luke 17:22

When the 9/11 tragedy happened, a lot of people asked, “Where was God?” He seemed to have been absent for such a disaster to happen.

Similarly, many people ask the same question when personal tragedies happen to their lives. “Where is God when I am down?” But maybe we should also ask, “Where was God in my life when I was up?” when everything was doing well and great with my family, my business, my career. Couldn’t it be that, blinded by worldly success, we’ve stopped seeing God in our lives when He was supposedly so present blessing us generously and abundantly? But when terrible, dreadful and heartbreaking events strike us we start looking for Him again, even blaming Him for such misfortune.

God would never abandon us, especially in moments that we need Him the most. But for us to see Him clearly in our tragic moments we should train ourselves to see Him in our joyous times. In fact, we should be seeing Him every time and every moment so that never will there come a day in our lives that we could no longer see Him.Alvin Barcelona